Needy tonight. Like I'm empty but overflowing and need someone to hold me together. My girlfriend finally was able to get a job after months of trying and she began today; she has to get up at 5am or so and I just want to wake her up so she can talk to me. I did already but made her go back to sleep.
I can't sleep. My room is hot and cold, my hands feel sticky (pet peeve). I'm thirsty and couldn't stop eating all day, trying to fill the emptiness. No wonder I've gained weight lately. I'm still underweight but feel fat, which is a new feeling for me.
I want my girlfriend's attention but I know she NEEDS sleep. She needs this job.
The nagging thoughts are back, 'stupid girl, kill yourself, she's too good for you,' yadda yadda. Whatever, thoughts.
-sigh- I don't like this.
Lately I've been obsessing over this and another (unrelated) forum. I don't get much human contact anymore and if I do in person I freak out nowadays. No wonder I'm so alone... especially since both forums can't constantly be updating. (other) People have lives.
I can't sleep. My room is hot and cold, my hands feel sticky (pet peeve). I'm thirsty and couldn't stop eating all day, trying to fill the emptiness. No wonder I've gained weight lately. I'm still underweight but feel fat, which is a new feeling for me.
I want my girlfriend's attention but I know she NEEDS sleep. She needs this job.
The nagging thoughts are back, 'stupid girl, kill yourself, she's too good for you,' yadda yadda. Whatever, thoughts.
-sigh- I don't like this.
Lately I've been obsessing over this and another (unrelated) forum. I don't get much human contact anymore and if I do in person I freak out nowadays. No wonder I'm so alone... especially since both forums can't constantly be updating. (other) People have lives.
March 26, 2010 at 6:53 AM
I`m sorry to hear you`re not feeling so well at the moment; I`m coming in really rough too, so I`m off to get some diazepam from my shrink this morning. I get the same feeling too, but I guess there are so many BPD / MH blogs out there it gets hard to read them all. I`m doing a scan of the blogosphere to try and update my links at the moment, but doing anything - except playing computer games - is pretty difficult at the moment.
Take care :)
David