When I was in high school, I had to take summer classes to make up for classes replaced by art during the regular school year (due to an art magnet program). One summer I took World History Honors. As a project, I wrote a report on Miyamoto Musashi. Born into a samurai family, Musashi would dedicate his life to mastering a unique swordfighting style and would become one of- if not the- best warriors in history. He fought in 6 battles, 2 of them the bloodiest in Japanese history- the battle at Osaka, and the battle of Sekigahara. He fought and won 60 duels and never lost; losing meant death in those days. He died at 63 (I believe) of stomach cancer and produced one of the greatest works in history- the Book of Five Rings. It is a bible for businessmen and every day life, being used in all aspects of daily life now that the age of the warrior is over.
I was watching a documentary with my parents, a 2 hour special called "Samurai" on the History channel. I expected it to be a history on the warriors, not a spiritually enlightening journey as Mark Dacascos, a martial artist and host of Iron Chef America, follows the life and journey of Musashi himself- from his birthplace, his greatest duels, his battles, and finally, where he died.
What you have to understand is that Musashi was not just a swordsman. His book was written as a sort of compilation of everything he had learned; a lesson on life, so to speak. It was written as a way to live; not for killing, but for honing the mind, disciplining oneself, and overcoming all obstacles.
Watching this and remembering not only what I had learned before but also recognizing places I had been to and remembering what I had experienced, I realized a lot about myself as a person.
I truly have a long journey ahead of me to become what I want to become. it is not a discouraging thought, but an empowering one. I have so much to look forward to, so much untapped potential. What I lack is self-discipline. I lack confidence. I lack mental clarity.
I can start to just go on about my faults, but that would just be me complaining again. I must learn to focus not on my faults, but how to improve them. I've been wrong all along- admitting one's faults is more detrimental to my own well-being, instead of being the first step to my own spiritual and mental growth.
For most people, it would be different. For most people, they are already well on their way to maturity; many people my age are already set in life. But I am not most people.
BPD does not define me. I am not my disorder; I am not my symptoms, nor am I my faults. But I DO have this. I DO have to learn to live with it and control it, and not let it control me. I DO have to take control of my own actions and learn how to have a healthy mind.
It will be difficult, I think. Not just because of BPD, but because many of the learned behaviors will be hard to unlearn and be replaced. For example, how to console myself and not seek a fix from others. How to think clearly and not make impulsive decisions. How to regulate my emotions, rationalize, and not be oversensitive and easily hurt. How to know when someone is joking or meaning one thing without taking it as a different, hurtful meaning.
And the two biggest things:
I have to draw and write, every day, ignoring my limitations until I overcome them.
And I have to take Rae to Japan with me.
Eden.
I was watching a documentary with my parents, a 2 hour special called "Samurai" on the History channel. I expected it to be a history on the warriors, not a spiritually enlightening journey as Mark Dacascos, a martial artist and host of Iron Chef America, follows the life and journey of Musashi himself- from his birthplace, his greatest duels, his battles, and finally, where he died.
What you have to understand is that Musashi was not just a swordsman. His book was written as a sort of compilation of everything he had learned; a lesson on life, so to speak. It was written as a way to live; not for killing, but for honing the mind, disciplining oneself, and overcoming all obstacles.
Watching this and remembering not only what I had learned before but also recognizing places I had been to and remembering what I had experienced, I realized a lot about myself as a person.
I truly have a long journey ahead of me to become what I want to become. it is not a discouraging thought, but an empowering one. I have so much to look forward to, so much untapped potential. What I lack is self-discipline. I lack confidence. I lack mental clarity.
I can start to just go on about my faults, but that would just be me complaining again. I must learn to focus not on my faults, but how to improve them. I've been wrong all along- admitting one's faults is more detrimental to my own well-being, instead of being the first step to my own spiritual and mental growth.
For most people, it would be different. For most people, they are already well on their way to maturity; many people my age are already set in life. But I am not most people.
BPD does not define me. I am not my disorder; I am not my symptoms, nor am I my faults. But I DO have this. I DO have to learn to live with it and control it, and not let it control me. I DO have to take control of my own actions and learn how to have a healthy mind.
It will be difficult, I think. Not just because of BPD, but because many of the learned behaviors will be hard to unlearn and be replaced. For example, how to console myself and not seek a fix from others. How to think clearly and not make impulsive decisions. How to regulate my emotions, rationalize, and not be oversensitive and easily hurt. How to know when someone is joking or meaning one thing without taking it as a different, hurtful meaning.
And the two biggest things:
I have to draw and write, every day, ignoring my limitations until I overcome them.
And I have to take Rae to Japan with me.
Eden.
