It's been over a year, hasn't it? I'm still here. Not much to say though, really. Rae and I are stronger than ever as a couple and she moved to be with me; she's my neighbor now and I can hear her roommate play guitar through the floors. It's comforting. I have my (our) dog with me now too. I'm still in school, switched majors to Illustration. Working hard but usually hardly working.
I thought I'd gotten better. What would I need this blog for, if I was better?
But I was wrong. No more suicidal ideations for a while, sure. But somehow I crashed, this past week. I bought blades. I skipped class and was delusional and hallucinated. I got sick and now I'm writing this from my bed with a fever.
Last night though (unfevered, mind you) Rae and I sat for a smoke break by the front gate. Without meaning to, I exploded. I started talking and actually saying things, instead of just talking to fill up the silence. I told her about how tired I am. I told her about how I'm sick of pretending to be okay, how I'm sick of trying to fit in anywhere. How I'm sick of nobody understanding me when I tried to say anything.
We sat and talked for an hour and I realized several things:
1.) I love her more than ever.
2.) I am sicker than I thought I was, and it's time to really think about how to fix it if I ever want to succeed in life.
On another note, Rae's alters are gone. For how long, we don't know. It's been a long time since we got any word from them and she thinks they're gone for good.
tl;dr: I'm back.
+ Eden.
I thought I'd gotten better. What would I need this blog for, if I was better?
But I was wrong. No more suicidal ideations for a while, sure. But somehow I crashed, this past week. I bought blades. I skipped class and was delusional and hallucinated. I got sick and now I'm writing this from my bed with a fever.
Last night though (unfevered, mind you) Rae and I sat for a smoke break by the front gate. Without meaning to, I exploded. I started talking and actually saying things, instead of just talking to fill up the silence. I told her about how tired I am. I told her about how I'm sick of pretending to be okay, how I'm sick of trying to fit in anywhere. How I'm sick of nobody understanding me when I tried to say anything.
We sat and talked for an hour and I realized several things:
1.) I love her more than ever.
2.) I am sicker than I thought I was, and it's time to really think about how to fix it if I ever want to succeed in life.
On another note, Rae's alters are gone. For how long, we don't know. It's been a long time since we got any word from them and she thinks they're gone for good.
tl;dr: I'm back.
+ Eden.
