Today I learned that pigs scream like humans. ._. I guess I used to be what I call a chronic vegetarian- I was vegetarian for 7 years, ate some meat, switched back, and quit. (My dad's Argentinian-meat Venezuelan-style barbecue is the BEST.) And now I'm pretty sure I'm permanently vegetarian and maybe somewhat vegan.
I probably won't be too strict on this but dear holy flying spaghetti monster I will never get that screaming out of my head again.
In other news, I may be somewhat of a masochist? Maybe? I have to be doing some form of self-harming behavior at all times. It's subconscious but true. If I don't have cigarettes I'm chugging white vinegar soup until I'm sick and I've almost got a hole in my stomach (true story- repeatedly). If I don't have that then I'm cutting myself (I've been 'non-SI' for months now though. Go me!). If I don't have THAT recourse then I'm overeating to the point where I don't even enjoy food anymore. I haven't been hungry in days and I STILL can't stop eating. If I'm not eating then I'm biting my nails until they bleed. And if I'm not biting my nails I'm smoking a cigarette.
So far the cigarettes are the least harmful (at least short-term) and I really really wish I could get some already. I haven't had one in 6 1/2 days and I've already done the vinegar thing twice, my nails hurt (I'm trying to grow them out since my bestest best friend is taking me out for a manicure as an Xmas gift) and I can't. Stop. Eating.
Note: My dad says eating fruit makes you not gain weight. I hope it's true. I don't want to be fat unless I'm happy eating.
+ Eden.
I probably won't be too strict on this but dear holy flying spaghetti monster I will never get that screaming out of my head again.
In other news, I may be somewhat of a masochist? Maybe? I have to be doing some form of self-harming behavior at all times. It's subconscious but true. If I don't have cigarettes I'm chugging white vinegar soup until I'm sick and I've almost got a hole in my stomach (true story- repeatedly). If I don't have that then I'm cutting myself (I've been 'non-SI' for months now though. Go me!). If I don't have THAT recourse then I'm overeating to the point where I don't even enjoy food anymore. I haven't been hungry in days and I STILL can't stop eating. If I'm not eating then I'm biting my nails until they bleed. And if I'm not biting my nails I'm smoking a cigarette.
So far the cigarettes are the least harmful (at least short-term) and I really really wish I could get some already. I haven't had one in 6 1/2 days and I've already done the vinegar thing twice, my nails hurt (I'm trying to grow them out since my bestest best friend is taking me out for a manicure as an Xmas gift) and I can't. Stop. Eating.
Note: My dad says eating fruit makes you not gain weight. I hope it's true. I don't want to be fat unless I'm happy eating.
+ Eden.
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