Today went about as I expected. Dr. W came in later than usual but I had a list. (This is the perfect thing for therapy- make a list about what you want to cover in that session!!) I told her about the fiasco with Dr. Q (detailed below); about the friction burns- she was unhappy about that but didn't freak out at me; I told her about the possibility of college in 4 weeks instead of September as well. She says college would be the perfect way for me to gain a sense of self, something I am severely lacking, as well as independence (also a struggle).
She did give me a handout for an interesting mood regulation strategy where you tap yourself. I'll share that when I figure it out.
This is the latest Dr. Q story:
I was put on an antipsychotic, Abilify, to rule out the possibility of psychosis or anything more severe than BPD being wrong with me. Soon after I started on 1mg (the usual starting dose is 5mg) I was so jittery I was literally either jumping around like an epileptic squirrel on crack or staring at walls for several hours at a time. I was lowered to .5mg soon afterward. It helped my anxiety, and I stopped thinking I had multiple personalities (this due to severe mood swings and lack of self-identity).
I started hearing voices and music, which can be a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder (temporary break from reality or psychosis). I was kept on the Abilify.
Well, when I went back to see Dr. Q, I told him I felt better and he gave me two boxes of 2mg and 4-5 boxes of 5mg "in case I wanted a higher dose." (Isn't HE the doctor?) He told me to cut the 2mg in half and take 1mg a day, and then he told me that when I ran out or wanted a higher dose, to cut the 5mg into fourths and take 1.25mg. Well, guess what pills are too small to be cut into fourths? So guess what dosage I'm forced to take?
I ran out of halves of 2mg pills and braced myself for the jump from 1mg to 2.5mg by taking 2mg for three days.
Everyone with me so far?
Now, the 2.5mg doesn't sit well with me. I'm pretty much a functioning wreck of a human being. So we called and asked Dr. Q to call in a prescription for 2mg. We'll see how that goes.
I hate when he tricks me into medication doses. If I don't go to college next month I'm changing psychiatrist.
Much love,
Eden.
She did give me a handout for an interesting mood regulation strategy where you tap yourself. I'll share that when I figure it out.
This is the latest Dr. Q story:
I was put on an antipsychotic, Abilify, to rule out the possibility of psychosis or anything more severe than BPD being wrong with me. Soon after I started on 1mg (the usual starting dose is 5mg) I was so jittery I was literally either jumping around like an epileptic squirrel on crack or staring at walls for several hours at a time. I was lowered to .5mg soon afterward. It helped my anxiety, and I stopped thinking I had multiple personalities (this due to severe mood swings and lack of self-identity).
I started hearing voices and music, which can be a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder (temporary break from reality or psychosis). I was kept on the Abilify.
Well, when I went back to see Dr. Q, I told him I felt better and he gave me two boxes of 2mg and 4-5 boxes of 5mg "in case I wanted a higher dose." (Isn't HE the doctor?) He told me to cut the 2mg in half and take 1mg a day, and then he told me that when I ran out or wanted a higher dose, to cut the 5mg into fourths and take 1.25mg. Well, guess what pills are too small to be cut into fourths? So guess what dosage I'm forced to take?
I ran out of halves of 2mg pills and braced myself for the jump from 1mg to 2.5mg by taking 2mg for three days.
Everyone with me so far?
Now, the 2.5mg doesn't sit well with me. I'm pretty much a functioning wreck of a human being. So we called and asked Dr. Q to call in a prescription for 2mg. We'll see how that goes.
I hate when he tricks me into medication doses. If I don't go to college next month I'm changing psychiatrist.
Much love,
Eden.
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