I think it's time I say something. First off, my name is Rae. Eden is my wonderful, amazing girlfriend whom I love very much. And yes...she has BPD. It causes a lot of things to happen inside her head that I don't fully understand all the time and I can be insensitive and uncooperative when she needs me to be the exact opposite. Especially lately. We're quite a pair...she has BPD and I have DID, both severe personality disorders. But somehow we manage to make things work wonderfully. Usually.
Over the 7 months that I have known her, Eden has never had a very stable sense of self or demeanor. She fluctuates constantly between emotions and takes on life and she's dependent on her parents and me. I don't see it as a huge problem because she's just now learning how to be her own independent person, but she's right...it's not the healthiest thing for her. She tells me a lot that she's afraid of rejection and abandonment, especially from me. Some people would call it controlling, but I don't see it that way. I see it as her opening up to me and trying to help me understand a little of what's going on in that head of hers; especially since I would never do either of those things to her.
Sometimes she snaps at me, sometimes I'm a "mean horrible person". Sometimes we simply misunderstand each other and fight for like 20 minutes. But don't get me wrong. It's not like that all the time. In fact, most of the time, she is an extremely loving, sweet, and giving girlfriend. I honestly couldn't ask for a better match. I'm just as dynamic in my thinking patterns as she is and we really make an amazing team when we put our heads together.
I admit that I can be careless and sometimes downright insulting without knowing that I'm hurting her feelings or making her angry or upset. Most of the time she tells me and I apologize profusely, but I know that if I were anyone else, she wouldn't hear it. Lucky me. c: (Not sarcasm.)
I can see that she has trouble on a day to day basis and it frightens me sometimes because she says it's getting worse and I can't help her. I'm not around enough to give her the emotional support she needs (I live in Va, she's roughly 11 hours out of my reach). I don't know how to offer advice when nothing comes out right and all I really know to do is listen and try to help her understand what's happening, even when I'm not sure what it is either. It's always stop and go, push and pull, leave - no wait. I admit it's hard on me sometimes, but I would never give up on her. I believe that she can get better; just have to find what works, first. I have faith in her and I know she's a strong enough woman to overcome this outstanding obstacle. I believe in her.
-Rae
Over the 7 months that I have known her, Eden has never had a very stable sense of self or demeanor. She fluctuates constantly between emotions and takes on life and she's dependent on her parents and me. I don't see it as a huge problem because she's just now learning how to be her own independent person, but she's right...it's not the healthiest thing for her. She tells me a lot that she's afraid of rejection and abandonment, especially from me. Some people would call it controlling, but I don't see it that way. I see it as her opening up to me and trying to help me understand a little of what's going on in that head of hers; especially since I would never do either of those things to her.
Sometimes she snaps at me, sometimes I'm a "mean horrible person". Sometimes we simply misunderstand each other and fight for like 20 minutes. But don't get me wrong. It's not like that all the time. In fact, most of the time, she is an extremely loving, sweet, and giving girlfriend. I honestly couldn't ask for a better match. I'm just as dynamic in my thinking patterns as she is and we really make an amazing team when we put our heads together.
I admit that I can be careless and sometimes downright insulting without knowing that I'm hurting her feelings or making her angry or upset. Most of the time she tells me and I apologize profusely, but I know that if I were anyone else, she wouldn't hear it. Lucky me. c: (Not sarcasm.)
I can see that she has trouble on a day to day basis and it frightens me sometimes because she says it's getting worse and I can't help her. I'm not around enough to give her the emotional support she needs (I live in Va, she's roughly 11 hours out of my reach). I don't know how to offer advice when nothing comes out right and all I really know to do is listen and try to help her understand what's happening, even when I'm not sure what it is either. It's always stop and go, push and pull, leave - no wait. I admit it's hard on me sometimes, but I would never give up on her. I believe that she can get better; just have to find what works, first. I have faith in her and I know she's a strong enough woman to overcome this outstanding obstacle. I believe in her.
-Rae
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