So it's getting worse lately. The mood swings, impulsiveness, splitting, all of that. I don't know if it's because I need to adjust my medication or because Rae isn't around anymore to keep it in check, but now I'm scared because BPD is something that gets worse as one gets older. It tapers off eventually, yeah… usually at or after middle age and a lot of elderly people still have it. And about… 10%, I think it was, kill themselves before it gets any better anyway.
Not that I'm resorting to that. I just wish I could get a fucking appointment sometime in the next yesterday, but it's nearly impossible to get through to the counseling office I go to. They never answer the damn phone and I can't find the direct line to my therapist's or head doc's answering machines.
I need therapy, I need a higher dose, and I need Rae.
I can't complain too much though. I started class today. Art History isn't as bad as I thought it'd be and Satire in Great Literature is proving to be an amazing class. Tomorrow is my Drawing for Comics class, which I'm super excited about! I just had a lot of mood swings today. I blame my headache- throbbing stabbing pain whenever I turn my head or there are too many bright lights, I can't focus my eyes or think and I'm worried my ADD is kicking into high-gear too.
I don't know. I'm stopping here.
eden.
Not that I'm resorting to that. I just wish I could get a fucking appointment sometime in the next yesterday, but it's nearly impossible to get through to the counseling office I go to. They never answer the damn phone and I can't find the direct line to my therapist's or head doc's answering machines.
I need therapy, I need a higher dose, and I need Rae.
I can't complain too much though. I started class today. Art History isn't as bad as I thought it'd be and Satire in Great Literature is proving to be an amazing class. Tomorrow is my Drawing for Comics class, which I'm super excited about! I just had a lot of mood swings today. I blame my headache- throbbing stabbing pain whenever I turn my head or there are too many bright lights, I can't focus my eyes or think and I'm worried my ADD is kicking into high-gear too.
I don't know. I'm stopping here.
eden.
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