I haven't posted in this blog in a long while, this must end.
In any case, a lot has happened since my last post... (Scroll down for tl;dr version!)
1. I was finally able to get a psychiatric evaluation yesterday. I made the appointment a month and a half ago for two weeks ago, but they lost (!) my appointment and weren't able to fit me in until yesterday, mostly due to my class schedule (all over the place!). It's also kind of far, requiring a long bus trip and a bit of a walk to get there, but I made it happen. I thought the appointment was at 10am, so I woke up at dawn to be able to get there by 9am. When I finally got there, after having to ask directions, I looked at my appointment card... 11am. Eden was not happy. Eden sat outside smoking her Camel menthol and talking with a 54-year-old man for half an hour. It was surprisingly interesting, as long as I ignored his feeble but not-creepy advances. We talked about how Rae is the most gorgeous creature alive. I can talk about THAT for hours!
After waiting, I was finally in. After I realized it was only an intake I admit I got pretty upset- I had been hoping to see a psychiatrist for some adderall because my focus has been shot for months. Do you know the feeling you get when you're paying close attention to your professor's lecture or demo, and then blink and realize you've missed everything they've said because you got lost in your own world? Yeah, it's jarring and upsetting after a while. We covered my suicidal thoughts, often overwhelming urges to SI, my delusional thought process, my ADD symptoms, my OCD symptoms, depression, manias, rape nightmares, everything. There were two funny parts- when he had to list all the medications I've been on and decided to just write "See List" to save time, for example, as well as the cardinal that kept trying to peck his way into the window for the entire hour I was there. (Rae thinks he might have been rabid. I believe it.)
SO anyway, the intake guy agreed that I need to see a doctor right away. But even after he spoke with the receptionist, the earliest I could get in was in a month- and by then I'd be done with this quarter and probably with Rae's family for Thanksgiving or back home with mine for Christmas. HOWEVER, I got lucky and they told me to wait until 1pm to see if the doctor could fit me in.
So Eden had another smoke break. This time with a successful 27-year-old restaurant owner currently in detox. (Good for him!) And more talking about Rae, of course.
Back into the counseling building. After a while I did, indeed, get in to see the doctor. I spoke with him for a while (I speak softly and he's hard of hearing but it went well). He immediately prescribed me some adderall and sent me on my way.
I'll pass over the next few hours, which basically entailed me trying to get the prescription filled in three different places. Apparently some counseling places won't fill narcotics prescriptions if you're over 18, how inconvenient. I even got The Talk from the doctor about how I need to be careful with college students stealing my adderall but since I don't have a history of drug abuse I was cleared.
I got back just long enough to register for next quarter a few hours late (we have time tickets, I don't know how it works in other schools). Then eventually I made it back to my dorm for good- at around 5:30-6pm. Needless to say I missed a make-up class but I'll talk about that guy later.
This morning is my first try with the adderall. It may just be a placebo effect but I'm already feeling pretty good. For the first time since I moved here, I climbed up 4 flights of stairs and didn't even want to count the steps- when I tried to I didn't get far. I feel pretty clear-headed and as you can tell, I've even been able to write this long post, only pausing one time to check e-mail. Normally I'd take an hour to write my old, short posts, so I'm pretty hopeful. I've also sent two important emails instead of getting distracted by Facebook or anything else. Today I have a ton of homework and I'm sure I'll be able to get it done for once!
Eden is pleased.
(If this post is way too boring and someone's managed to read it this far, let me know please! XD )
Moving on...
2. Rae has moved down to live near me, and as soon as I'm able to move out of the dorm we will be able to get our own place (looking at Spring). Obviously I am very excited about this and I can't wait for it to happen! I had a college friend of mine tell me just a few days ago that she really admires "how slow" Rae and I are taking our relationship. I suppose compared to many, we seem to be taking our time- but in what we call "our time," we're not moving fast enough! Although BPDers tend to jump into a relationship, make it passionate and intense, and then burn out quickly and move on, I am definitely committed to this for good. I just wish we could be together now, but I suppose I can be patient until then. Good things come to those who hurry it up and Spring is as soon as it can be done. She's found a job and has another one lined up, so money isn't as much of an issue anymore. And her grades are pretty good now so she should be able to transfer to a nearby college in Winter or Spring. -excited-
TL;DR VERSION:
I'm on Adderall. Rae is living nearby and we're moving in together soon.
Thanks for reading!!
+ Eden
In any case, a lot has happened since my last post... (Scroll down for tl;dr version!)
1. I was finally able to get a psychiatric evaluation yesterday. I made the appointment a month and a half ago for two weeks ago, but they lost (!) my appointment and weren't able to fit me in until yesterday, mostly due to my class schedule (all over the place!). It's also kind of far, requiring a long bus trip and a bit of a walk to get there, but I made it happen. I thought the appointment was at 10am, so I woke up at dawn to be able to get there by 9am. When I finally got there, after having to ask directions, I looked at my appointment card... 11am. Eden was not happy. Eden sat outside smoking her Camel menthol and talking with a 54-year-old man for half an hour. It was surprisingly interesting, as long as I ignored his feeble but not-creepy advances. We talked about how Rae is the most gorgeous creature alive. I can talk about THAT for hours!
After waiting, I was finally in. After I realized it was only an intake I admit I got pretty upset- I had been hoping to see a psychiatrist for some adderall because my focus has been shot for months. Do you know the feeling you get when you're paying close attention to your professor's lecture or demo, and then blink and realize you've missed everything they've said because you got lost in your own world? Yeah, it's jarring and upsetting after a while. We covered my suicidal thoughts, often overwhelming urges to SI, my delusional thought process, my ADD symptoms, my OCD symptoms, depression, manias, rape nightmares, everything. There were two funny parts- when he had to list all the medications I've been on and decided to just write "See List" to save time, for example, as well as the cardinal that kept trying to peck his way into the window for the entire hour I was there. (Rae thinks he might have been rabid. I believe it.)
SO anyway, the intake guy agreed that I need to see a doctor right away. But even after he spoke with the receptionist, the earliest I could get in was in a month- and by then I'd be done with this quarter and probably with Rae's family for Thanksgiving or back home with mine for Christmas. HOWEVER, I got lucky and they told me to wait until 1pm to see if the doctor could fit me in.
So Eden had another smoke break. This time with a successful 27-year-old restaurant owner currently in detox. (Good for him!) And more talking about Rae, of course.
Back into the counseling building. After a while I did, indeed, get in to see the doctor. I spoke with him for a while (I speak softly and he's hard of hearing but it went well). He immediately prescribed me some adderall and sent me on my way.
I'll pass over the next few hours, which basically entailed me trying to get the prescription filled in three different places. Apparently some counseling places won't fill narcotics prescriptions if you're over 18, how inconvenient. I even got The Talk from the doctor about how I need to be careful with college students stealing my adderall but since I don't have a history of drug abuse I was cleared.
I got back just long enough to register for next quarter a few hours late (we have time tickets, I don't know how it works in other schools). Then eventually I made it back to my dorm for good- at around 5:30-6pm. Needless to say I missed a make-up class but I'll talk about that guy later.
This morning is my first try with the adderall. It may just be a placebo effect but I'm already feeling pretty good. For the first time since I moved here, I climbed up 4 flights of stairs and didn't even want to count the steps- when I tried to I didn't get far. I feel pretty clear-headed and as you can tell, I've even been able to write this long post, only pausing one time to check e-mail. Normally I'd take an hour to write my old, short posts, so I'm pretty hopeful. I've also sent two important emails instead of getting distracted by Facebook or anything else. Today I have a ton of homework and I'm sure I'll be able to get it done for once!
Eden is pleased.
(If this post is way too boring and someone's managed to read it this far, let me know please! XD )
Moving on...
2. Rae has moved down to live near me, and as soon as I'm able to move out of the dorm we will be able to get our own place (looking at Spring). Obviously I am very excited about this and I can't wait for it to happen! I had a college friend of mine tell me just a few days ago that she really admires "how slow" Rae and I are taking our relationship. I suppose compared to many, we seem to be taking our time- but in what we call "our time," we're not moving fast enough! Although BPDers tend to jump into a relationship, make it passionate and intense, and then burn out quickly and move on, I am definitely committed to this for good. I just wish we could be together now, but I suppose I can be patient until then. Good things come to those who hurry it up and Spring is as soon as it can be done. She's found a job and has another one lined up, so money isn't as much of an issue anymore. And her grades are pretty good now so she should be able to transfer to a nearby college in Winter or Spring. -excited-
TL;DR VERSION:
I'm on Adderall. Rae is living nearby and we're moving in together soon.
Thanks for reading!!
+ Eden
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