It seems Rae's comment feature isn't working. Does anyone know how to fix it?
*Fixed!*
Eden.
*Fixed!*
Eden.
9 years ago
Showing posts with label Rae. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rae. Show all posts
Only not really.
I don't know what I've been up to lately. I feel like since I stopped taking the Lamictal (and especially the Adderall...) I've been floating around from day to day, vaguely getting things done last-minute by sheer miracle and a stubborn desire for good grades. I don't know.
I got a lip ring. (Go me!) I've wanted one for damn well near 10 years now and I don't know HOW I'll tell my parents (or rather, what I'll say when they see it) but damnit, I am 22 years old and I wanted it. So I got it and I love it.
Rae and I are doing well, despite a few bumps caused by stress and mood swings. My BPD likes to rear its ugly head sometimes but we've learned a pretty effective tactic- starting over. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to start bitching at you about this-and-that-unrelated-thing, can we start the night over?" It doesn't work if you start yelling at your partner and refusing to admit you were wrong, and it doesn't fix everything, but it's been working for us because we seem to know when it's okay to just hit ctrl+z and rewrite the past hour or two.
Some interesting stuff happened today. I won't get into it but it's going to be an interesting few days.
I don't know what else to say. I miss Adderall. I miss getting shit done. I miss feeling on top of the world.
I miss Rae most of all. When she's around, everything -works-. But oh yes so she got a job today! I really do think things will be better now.
She's going for a makeover of sorts. She wants to cut her hair (I admit I will cry- she has the most beautiful hair... but she's saving me some.) and I know she will look amazingly sexy. <3 I feel like I've been pushing her to wear certain clothes and I didn't mean to. She just happens to look sexy and gorgeous in a dress. But she also looks like a vision from heaven in jeans and a tank top. I can't wait to go see her and make her model for me. I will draw so much. <3 Aaah I am hopelessly in love and happy about it! *lucky* Meanwhile, our forum (RUNIC) has come back from the dead! We need new members so please someone join in and contribute! We're aiming for "intelligent paranormal and supernatural discussion," including energy/psionics, ghosts, angels, and demons, religion, spellcraft, science, disbelief in all of the above... come see! Come see!
Eden.
I don't know what I've been up to lately. I feel like since I stopped taking the Lamictal (and especially the Adderall...) I've been floating around from day to day, vaguely getting things done last-minute by sheer miracle and a stubborn desire for good grades. I don't know.
I got a lip ring. (Go me!) I've wanted one for damn well near 10 years now and I don't know HOW I'll tell my parents (or rather, what I'll say when they see it) but damnit, I am 22 years old and I wanted it. So I got it and I love it.
Rae and I are doing well, despite a few bumps caused by stress and mood swings. My BPD likes to rear its ugly head sometimes but we've learned a pretty effective tactic- starting over. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to start bitching at you about this-and-that-unrelated-thing, can we start the night over?" It doesn't work if you start yelling at your partner and refusing to admit you were wrong, and it doesn't fix everything, but it's been working for us because we seem to know when it's okay to just hit ctrl+z and rewrite the past hour or two.
Some interesting stuff happened today. I won't get into it but it's going to be an interesting few days.
I don't know what else to say. I miss Adderall. I miss getting shit done. I miss feeling on top of the world.
I miss Rae most of all. When she's around, everything -works-. But oh yes so she got a job today! I really do think things will be better now.
She's going for a makeover of sorts. She wants to cut her hair (I admit I will cry- she has the most beautiful hair... but she's saving me some.) and I know she will look amazingly sexy. <3 I feel like I've been pushing her to wear certain clothes and I didn't mean to. She just happens to look sexy and gorgeous in a dress. But she also looks like a vision from heaven in jeans and a tank top. I can't wait to go see her and make her model for me. I will draw so much. <3 Aaah I am hopelessly in love and happy about it! *lucky* Meanwhile, our forum (RUNIC) has come back from the dead! We need new members so please someone join in and contribute! We're aiming for "intelligent paranormal and supernatural discussion," including energy/psionics, ghosts, angels, and demons, religion, spellcraft, science, disbelief in all of the above... come see! Come see!
Eden.
Multiply
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
3:45 PM
by Eden
It's sad to admit, but I'm not sure how Rae is doing lately. She has her bad days (usually coinciding with mine) and her okay days, but it seems that the others are coming back... maybe? I'm not sure. I'll have to ask her when she gets home.
I have mixed feelings about this. I miss them terribly, but if they're coming back, then it could mean Rae's doing worse. Alternately, it could mean that she's going to get more help, since, after all, that is generally why alters exist.
We'll see.
Eden.
I have mixed feelings about this. I miss them terribly, but if they're coming back, then it could mean Rae's doing worse. Alternately, it could mean that she's going to get more help, since, after all, that is generally why alters exist.
We'll see.
Eden.
Title indeed taken from the book I am linking here.
Things are... weird, I guess. I didn't say too much in the last post.
I did indeed tell my parents that Rae and I are engaged. They took it surprisingly well, actually. Then we got kicked out of the house with less than two days' notice. Landlady was sober, for once, and found a way to keep the house- but that apparently meant nobody else could be there? Oh right, and also we were trying to steal her dog, but then we didn't care if it died, and something about suing me for dirty dishes. Right.
Anyway, my parents gave us the money for a storage unit. Then they lent me my paycheck money until I actually got paid and could give it back. Saved our asses and bought Mia dog food.
Speaking of which, my beautiful gorgeous baby girl, Mia~ <3 She's the sweetest thing, and I am so happy to have her! She was my Valentine's Day gift from Rae. ...Except that now she's in another state. Along with Rae.
-sigh-
In any case, classes are starting up again next week. My parents are so worried about me, since Rae's gone and all, that they're canceling my plane ticket and driving me back up to the dorm- about 5 hours one way- to make sure I'll get settled in, get some groceries, some essentials, art supplies.
I got my first non-A in a class. A fucking 71. I can't believe it... I had an 89, all I needed was one last project to get an A, and three hours before the deadline I'm so sleep-deprived that I'm fainting and sick as a dog... and I can't finish it. Three nights in a row of no sleep and I didn't finish my final project and couldn't go to class cos I was too sick.
So I baaaarely got a C.
FUCK.
Anyway, there goes my 4.0. But I can still try for scholarships starting April 1st, and I should still have a high GPA right? I don't know how to calculate it, I'll have to wait until the final grades are officially out. My life drawing professor promised me that I got bumped up to a 90 (from an 89.5) so I hope he doesn't forget or I swear I'll beat him with his own sketchbook. It's still not showing up.
I probably sound like a whiny brat, but honestly, I NEED these grades. I NEED these scholarships. My family's running out of money, the business is losing money, my mom and dad are bother working from 9am to midnight every day and they're tired and stressed and everyone's broke and we NEED this. I need this.
But ah-ha, don't forget, this is a BPD blog (supposedly).
So, the Lamictal seems to be working. I can't get ahold of anyone at therapy to schedule an appointment, which is bad cos I ran out of Adderall and I wanted to up my Lamictal. The moods are still prominently there but it's not as bad as when I don't take it. Also, I forgot it for about a week and Rae says I drove her NUTS.
I'll ask her to write a post in here about that later.
I lost a ton of weight. I was underweight to begin with, but I came home weighing less than 90 lbs. And that's bad. So I'm up to about 96 now, which is about my average. My dad's freaking out saying I have to reach 100 but honestly, I've never been 100 in my life. My body just doesn't do it. -shrug-
With Rae gone, I'm throwing myself into art. I have nothing else.
I'm going to draw, and make comics, and write, and read, and make steampunk and dieselpunk hair accessories and pins, and I'm going to be awesome. Cos when I graduate in 3 years I want to already be making money. My dad started his first company before he graduated college, and my sister has a ton of awesome ideas for an Etsy shop that wil definitely sell, so I have lots to do.
I'm going to make this year my bitch. That or I'll have another suicidal streak and fail. Again.
Eden.
Things are... weird, I guess. I didn't say too much in the last post.
I did indeed tell my parents that Rae and I are engaged. They took it surprisingly well, actually. Then we got kicked out of the house with less than two days' notice. Landlady was sober, for once, and found a way to keep the house- but that apparently meant nobody else could be there? Oh right, and also we were trying to steal her dog, but then we didn't care if it died, and something about suing me for dirty dishes. Right.
Anyway, my parents gave us the money for a storage unit. Then they lent me my paycheck money until I actually got paid and could give it back. Saved our asses and bought Mia dog food.
Anyway, there goes my 4.0. But I can still try for scholarships starting April 1st, and I should still have a high GPA right? I don't know how to calculate it, I'll have to wait until the final grades are officially out. My life drawing professor promised me that I got bumped up to a 90 (from an 89.5) so I hope he doesn't forget or I swear I'll beat him with his own sketchbook. It's still not showing up.
I probably sound like a whiny brat, but honestly, I NEED these grades. I NEED these scholarships. My family's running out of money, the business is losing money, my mom and dad are bother working from 9am to midnight every day and they're tired and stressed and everyone's broke and we NEED this. I need this.
But ah-ha, don't forget, this is a BPD blog (supposedly).
So, the Lamictal seems to be working. I can't get ahold of anyone at therapy to schedule an appointment, which is bad cos I ran out of Adderall and I wanted to up my Lamictal. The moods are still prominently there but it's not as bad as when I don't take it. Also, I forgot it for about a week and Rae says I drove her NUTS.
I'll ask her to write a post in here about that later.
I lost a ton of weight. I was underweight to begin with, but I came home weighing less than 90 lbs. And that's bad. So I'm up to about 96 now, which is about my average. My dad's freaking out saying I have to reach 100 but honestly, I've never been 100 in my life. My body just doesn't do it. -shrug-
With Rae gone, I'm throwing myself into art. I have nothing else.
I'm going to draw, and make comics, and write, and read, and make steampunk and dieselpunk hair accessories and pins, and I'm going to be awesome. Cos when I graduate in 3 years I want to already be making money. My dad started his first company before he graduated college, and my sister has a ton of awesome ideas for an Etsy shop that wil definitely sell, so I have lots to do.
I'm going to make this year my bitch. That or I'll have another suicidal streak and fail. Again.
Eden.
Still raining. I wish I were normal. It's one of THOSE days today, with the unease of regret and wishing.
I wish I could go back in time, knowing what I do now- it's a recurrent daydream. I wish I could tell the old me that it's going to be okay, that suicide and hamburger-meat-arms isn't the answer. That it's alright if I'm a gossip and a bit two-faced because I can't control it and when I'm older I won't be that way anymore, I'll be in art school. I wish I could tell the old me that dating my ex is a mistake and a waste of my time and that it will ruin some very important things for me- my 18th birthday, my senior prom, all conventions for the rest of my life, my faith in people, my trust in anything. I wish I could tell her that I will meet someone more amazing than any fairytale or dream or fantasy. Someone who will respect her, love her unconditionally, treat her beyond right, do anything and everything for her. Make her feel loved, wanted, needed.
I love Rae. I love our relationship. I love our dog. I love art and music. I love most of my classes, usually. I love the choices I have made in life- Japan, art school, Rae. I love my family. I love my friends. I love how much progress I've been making, emotionally and artistically. I love those days when I'm reading a comic or a book while Rae's playing video games or watching a Duke basketball game.
I like how I look. I like how I write. I'm okay with how I draw, usually. I really like our landlords. I like my classmates. I like my social days (even though I think I'm annoying).
I want to be able to go to class like normal people, instead of having to skip because I'm behind on work. I want to get a job where I can make money. I want to move in with Rae without having to keep it a secret from my parents. I want to be in control of my emotions, not the other way around. I want to know that if I'm happy or sad it's because of a reason, and not 'just because.' I want to be able to concentrate in class and do my work without medication. I want to be more independent and not so clingy and dependent on Rae (which must be difficult for her, though she doesn't complain). I want to be able to take care of our dog. I want to feel affection for children and friends.
I don't want to be afraid of large groups of people. I don't want to flinch when a stranger walks past. I don't want to freak out about dirty hands- it comes and goes- I can spent two days with conte and charcoal and graphite and paint on my hands, and then for three days I'm pretty much boiling my hands in caustic dollar-store dishwasher detergent and scalding water. I don't want to be too selfish to have children.
I hate the delusions. I hate the hallucinations. The crazy moments. Our night crazies. The moments where the only thing in my head is hurt and pain for no reason. Hurting myself. Sometimes someone else. I hate that there's no damn reason for ANYTHING of it. At all. I hate the uncertainty of what might have happened to make me like this. I hate that nobody will agree to hypnotism or even feel like I SHOULD try to find out. I hate that I can't just be happy- for me, for Rae.
I want a life.
I miss you.
Eden.
I wish I could go back in time, knowing what I do now- it's a recurrent daydream. I wish I could tell the old me that it's going to be okay, that suicide and hamburger-meat-arms isn't the answer. That it's alright if I'm a gossip and a bit two-faced because I can't control it and when I'm older I won't be that way anymore, I'll be in art school. I wish I could tell the old me that dating my ex is a mistake and a waste of my time and that it will ruin some very important things for me- my 18th birthday, my senior prom, all conventions for the rest of my life, my faith in people, my trust in anything. I wish I could tell her that I will meet someone more amazing than any fairytale or dream or fantasy. Someone who will respect her, love her unconditionally, treat her beyond right, do anything and everything for her. Make her feel loved, wanted, needed.
I love Rae. I love our relationship. I love our dog. I love art and music. I love most of my classes, usually. I love the choices I have made in life- Japan, art school, Rae. I love my family. I love my friends. I love how much progress I've been making, emotionally and artistically. I love those days when I'm reading a comic or a book while Rae's playing video games or watching a Duke basketball game.
I like how I look. I like how I write. I'm okay with how I draw, usually. I really like our landlords. I like my classmates. I like my social days (even though I think I'm annoying).
I want to be able to go to class like normal people, instead of having to skip because I'm behind on work. I want to get a job where I can make money. I want to move in with Rae without having to keep it a secret from my parents. I want to be in control of my emotions, not the other way around. I want to know that if I'm happy or sad it's because of a reason, and not 'just because.' I want to be able to concentrate in class and do my work without medication. I want to be more independent and not so clingy and dependent on Rae (which must be difficult for her, though she doesn't complain). I want to be able to take care of our dog. I want to feel affection for children and friends.
I don't want to be afraid of large groups of people. I don't want to flinch when a stranger walks past. I don't want to freak out about dirty hands- it comes and goes- I can spent two days with conte and charcoal and graphite and paint on my hands, and then for three days I'm pretty much boiling my hands in caustic dollar-store dishwasher detergent and scalding water. I don't want to be too selfish to have children.
I hate the delusions. I hate the hallucinations. The crazy moments. Our night crazies. The moments where the only thing in my head is hurt and pain for no reason. Hurting myself. Sometimes someone else. I hate that there's no damn reason for ANYTHING of it. At all. I hate the uncertainty of what might have happened to make me like this. I hate that nobody will agree to hypnotism or even feel like I SHOULD try to find out. I hate that I can't just be happy- for me, for Rae.
I want a life.
I miss you.
Eden.
Late update is late. (It's technically Day 4 I guess?) Just two more days, hopefully... I'm starting to think she'll be gone longer, but a girl can hope, right?
I don't know how much longer I can stay awake. I'm having those weird moments where I'm half delusional, which admittedly happens a lot when I'm awake too. I had 45 rough panels to do, which I finished. 3 thumbnail passes at all 5 pages, I did mooost of them. And now I'm on the last panel of page 2 for the final pencils. (It's actually page 1. I already did page 5 though.) Basically, the theme was no dialog, pantomime only, excitement and disappointment/sorrow or vice versa. So this couple, super in love and happy, get engaged. They throw a mini engagement celebration with their mutual childhood friend and get drunk. boy and friend wake up in bed, naked, and freak out. Fiancee girl snaps and murders them both. My professor said it was okay, so there.
The last of the creative writing stories were presented today. Two of them were from personal experiences- a girl having to choose between her boyfriend and a girl, and another one about a girl with Seasonal Affective Disorder (I think?) talking with doctors about her condition and medication and stuff. The latter hit too close to home, it was pretty uncomfortable.
Umm. Nothing new otherwise... I just wish Rae was here...... I hope she comes back before Friday (second therapy and psyche appointment, hopefully I can get some adderal!).
Three good things:
1. Rae comes back in 2 days! Hopefully...
2. Still kind of going strong on the comic homework!
3. My drawing professor said I'm pretty on-track and he likes my midterm project (due Wednesday, haha... ha...) and the sketchbook is looking good. I'm only halfway behind now.
Rae, I love you and I wish you'd said goodnight before you passed out but it's okay. <3
Sweet dreams my darling,
Eden.
I don't know how much longer I can stay awake. I'm having those weird moments where I'm half delusional, which admittedly happens a lot when I'm awake too. I had 45 rough panels to do, which I finished. 3 thumbnail passes at all 5 pages, I did mooost of them. And now I'm on the last panel of page 2 for the final pencils. (It's actually page 1. I already did page 5 though.) Basically, the theme was no dialog, pantomime only, excitement and disappointment/sorrow or vice versa. So this couple, super in love and happy, get engaged. They throw a mini engagement celebration with their mutual childhood friend and get drunk. boy and friend wake up in bed, naked, and freak out. Fiancee girl snaps and murders them both. My professor said it was okay, so there.
The last of the creative writing stories were presented today. Two of them were from personal experiences- a girl having to choose between her boyfriend and a girl, and another one about a girl with Seasonal Affective Disorder (I think?) talking with doctors about her condition and medication and stuff. The latter hit too close to home, it was pretty uncomfortable.
Umm. Nothing new otherwise... I just wish Rae was here...... I hope she comes back before Friday (second therapy and psyche appointment, hopefully I can get some adderal!).
Three good things:
1. Rae comes back in 2 days! Hopefully...
2. Still kind of going strong on the comic homework!
3. My drawing professor said I'm pretty on-track and he likes my midterm project (due Wednesday, haha... ha...) and the sketchbook is looking good. I'm only halfway behind now.
Rae, I love you and I wish you'd said goodnight before you passed out but it's okay. <3
Sweet dreams my darling,
Eden.
Let's see... I woke up feeling pretty okay, actually. Last night I was doing my reading homework and I think it helped put me in a different state of mind. The last story especially- Summer, I forget the author, about a woman and her husband who spend a month at their friend's house with their two daughters and various women who come to visit their friend. I don't know why but it was pretty soothing. I'd forgotten how much I've missed reading. Creative writing is my escape class- I can read the 13 short stories in an hour, so I have time to do everything else. But it takes me away from where I am, where my stress is overwhelming and my Rae is gone.
I have a lot of ideas for the next story I have to write, and while I only got a B+ on my last story I'm certain that I'll do much better this time. It's mostly a few mistakes and I can avoid those now that I know what they are.
I miss her.
Eden.
I have a lot of ideas for the next story I have to write, and while I only got a B+ on my last story I'm certain that I'll do much better this time. It's mostly a few mistakes and I can avoid those now that I know what they are.
I miss her.
Eden.
I have the uncanny feeling that my life is slowly deteriorating this year. I want to stay positive, and just focus on getting through this week and catching up next weekend... but goddamnit what the hell happened this quarter?
My adderall ran out and I can't get more until the end of the month. It ran out because I lost my prescription for this month's supply, and they expire so if I DO find it I might not be able to get any anyway.
I'm three WEEKS behind in my drawing class- that's 12 1/2 drawings, not to mention the skeleton drawing that's due next week- two weeks earlier than what my professor said before.
I have a comic due next week and I have no idea if I can finish this one on time- I barely managed last week.
I have no idea what I have to due for my writing class tomorrow. I went ahead and bought two of the textbooks that I think we're using the next two weeks but I'm not sure if I'm missing one or not.
I lost my beloved lighter. I bought it in Japan back in 2008 and I lost it today- it must have fallen out of my pocket. I've been walking and waiting for the buses and riding around trying to just get some school supplies since 10am. It's now almost 2 and I barely got home just a little while ago, made some breakfast so I can keep functioning... I left my debit card and ID at the house so I almost didn't get the supplies after all the trouble (luckily I had a credit card on me), but that means I can't get any Amp to keep me awake and productive tonight unless I go out and get some... but I'm so fucking tired, I've been walking and walking and walking for days and my feet hurt, my shoes are getting worn...
I don't know what to do. And then with the foreclosure and the water being turned off, and worries about how to get to classes once we move, and my parents not knowing a thing about the move (they think I'm at the dorms), and... I don't know.
And Rae's still not sure how long she'll be gone. She's so happy there, with her family and her cousins and aunts and especially her sister, her sweet healthy little infant nephew... I almost worry she won't come back but I know she'll miss me and Hot Shot. And anyway I have P, our baby. ^_~
Still, I'm pretty stressed out and freaking out, and have been this whole month.
We'll see how this month goes.
Eden.
My adderall ran out and I can't get more until the end of the month. It ran out because I lost my prescription for this month's supply, and they expire so if I DO find it I might not be able to get any anyway.
I'm three WEEKS behind in my drawing class- that's 12 1/2 drawings, not to mention the skeleton drawing that's due next week- two weeks earlier than what my professor said before.
I have a comic due next week and I have no idea if I can finish this one on time- I barely managed last week.
I have no idea what I have to due for my writing class tomorrow. I went ahead and bought two of the textbooks that I think we're using the next two weeks but I'm not sure if I'm missing one or not.
I lost my beloved lighter. I bought it in Japan back in 2008 and I lost it today- it must have fallen out of my pocket. I've been walking and waiting for the buses and riding around trying to just get some school supplies since 10am. It's now almost 2 and I barely got home just a little while ago, made some breakfast so I can keep functioning... I left my debit card and ID at the house so I almost didn't get the supplies after all the trouble (luckily I had a credit card on me), but that means I can't get any Amp to keep me awake and productive tonight unless I go out and get some... but I'm so fucking tired, I've been walking and walking and walking for days and my feet hurt, my shoes are getting worn...
I don't know what to do. And then with the foreclosure and the water being turned off, and worries about how to get to classes once we move, and my parents not knowing a thing about the move (they think I'm at the dorms), and... I don't know.
And Rae's still not sure how long she'll be gone. She's so happy there, with her family and her cousins and aunts and especially her sister, her sweet healthy little infant nephew... I almost worry she won't come back but I know she'll miss me and Hot Shot. And anyway I have P, our baby. ^_~
Still, I'm pretty stressed out and freaking out, and have been this whole month.
We'll see how this month goes.
Eden.
So Rae's off to see her sister, who just had a baby boy. Very good news! She left about... two hours ago, I think. I stayed here taking care of the dog until the landlord came by to get him (they're taking care of him while she's out of town). I'm staying at her place until she comes back, which was going to be tomorrow maybe but now it'll be later, probably around Wednesday afternoon.
Which is good! Cos I can clean up the room finally, and then start packing a bit between homework. Which I have lots of! I have lots of things to keep me busy!
Now mind you, she didn't get to see her family for Christmas, which was really hard for her. So it's very very awesome that she gets to go. Hence 'Super Awesome Trip.'
So I won't go into the super-selfish and totally not awesome dependency issues or how I haven't stopped crying since the dog left (I didn't really get to say goodbye :( ) or how I just wish she was back so she could play video games and play with the dog while I attempted to maneuver around her mess and do homework.
That's all.
Eden.
Which is good! Cos I can clean up the room finally, and then start packing a bit between homework. Which I have lots of! I have lots of things to keep me busy!
Now mind you, she didn't get to see her family for Christmas, which was really hard for her. So it's very very awesome that she gets to go. Hence 'Super Awesome Trip.'
So I won't go into the super-selfish and totally not awesome dependency issues or how I haven't stopped crying since the dog left (I didn't really get to say goodbye :( ) or how I just wish she was back so she could play video games and play with the dog while I attempted to maneuver around her mess and do homework.
That's all.
Eden.
It was Rae and my 3 month anniversary yesterday. Our official one anyway; we've been unofficially together for about 7 months now. We had a bad day but it wasn't either of our faults- she had a manic episode and I was depressed because of medication issues.
Today I got a bit of a shock; imagine my surprise when Rae gave way to a 7-year-old! I named her Ophelia (she doesn't like that name). She's sweet enough, she was scared of me at first. I don't know how long she's been in there but it explains why Rae's been extra sensitive lately, according to Laia.
In any case, I'm bracing myself and getting ready to talk to the girl the next time she comes out.
Meanwhile, I'm not sure how my dose issue is going... Dr. Q ran out of 2mg samples and they cost $445 for 30 pills. Just... no. So my dad used his magical math powers to cut 5mgs into 2mg pills. After Dr. Q gives me enough for a few months I'm switching to a new psychiatrist. Dr. W gave me a name, I'll check him out. He works with children and lectures, she said, but he listens.
I've been moodier than usual; I'm hungry all. the. time; my dad told me to eat fruit since I'm so scared to gain too much weight. I pick fights more easily and I'm both clingier and more abrasive. I feel smothered more easily. I really, really hope I can go to college next month- we'll find out in a week.
Eden.
Today I got a bit of a shock; imagine my surprise when Rae gave way to a 7-year-old! I named her Ophelia (she doesn't like that name). She's sweet enough, she was scared of me at first. I don't know how long she's been in there but it explains why Rae's been extra sensitive lately, according to Laia.
In any case, I'm bracing myself and getting ready to talk to the girl the next time she comes out.
Meanwhile, I'm not sure how my dose issue is going... Dr. Q ran out of 2mg samples and they cost $445 for 30 pills. Just... no. So my dad used his magical math powers to cut 5mgs into 2mg pills. After Dr. Q gives me enough for a few months I'm switching to a new psychiatrist. Dr. W gave me a name, I'll check him out. He works with children and lectures, she said, but he listens.
I've been moodier than usual; I'm hungry all. the. time; my dad told me to eat fruit since I'm so scared to gain too much weight. I pick fights more easily and I'm both clingier and more abrasive. I feel smothered more easily. I really, really hope I can go to college next month- we'll find out in a week.
Eden.
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