Eden has disappeared. She'll be back one day. Probably. : )
++EDIT: I am indeed here! XD; Thanks baby.
++EDIT: I am indeed here! XD; Thanks baby.
9 years ago
Showing posts with label By Rae and Them. Show all posts
Showing posts with label By Rae and Them. Show all posts
Eh?
Friday, June 10, 2011
1:10 AM
by Rae
Ayep
Saturday, April 23, 2011
11:26 AM
by Rae
What up readers? I'm posting for Eden since she apparently disappeared. ...She's actually asleep right now, but she needs it. Okay, so... It's been..a week?..maybe not that long, I'm not sure anymore, since Eden had her meds. Even I've been calling the doctor trying to get it for her, but no one ever answers the fucking phone there and they don't return calls, apparently, cos she's left God knows how many voice mails. I'm tired of it. She has shit luck with therapists. I have pretty good luck with them, but I move around so much, I can't get attached to one. Things are going pretty crazy, but she's alive, so she can give you details later. I'll try to remember to remind her.
Eden hasn't updated in a few days, so I figured I'd speak up for her. A lot has been going on recently - bouts of depression, anger, worthlessness - the typical mood swings for her lately. I've been doing my best to help her feel like she's not just complaining all the time and to help her see that I genuinely want to know what's going on, even if it comes out as "whining."
She went back to 1mg of Abilify today, thankfully. She seemed to be much better. She drew something and crafted a few things. We had an overall good day today. She's having a little trouble right now though. Apparently her mood swings are getting pretty bad and she's having a hard time being around her family. She's watching 2012 with them (so jealous. x_x) and helping with dinner. I love that her family is so involved in her life. She really has an amazing support system at home, even if her parents don't always pay attention or understand what she's trying to tell them. They love her almost as much as I do, which says something because I can't breathe without the girl.
Anyways, I'm hoping for an improvement soon. Maybe decreasing the Abilify again will make things a little better for her. We're super anxious about finding out if she's going to college this month (SCAD, by the way. My baby's brilliant). She said if she doesn't go, she'll come visit me! :D I am happy with either one because both are beneficial to her well-being. Though, I admit, I'm a titch selfish and want her to come up here, but I really won't complain if she can't. Education should be the main priority for both of us. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.
She went back to 1mg of Abilify today, thankfully. She seemed to be much better. She drew something and crafted a few things. We had an overall good day today. She's having a little trouble right now though. Apparently her mood swings are getting pretty bad and she's having a hard time being around her family. She's watching 2012 with them (so jealous. x_x) and helping with dinner. I love that her family is so involved in her life. She really has an amazing support system at home, even if her parents don't always pay attention or understand what she's trying to tell them. They love her almost as much as I do, which says something because I can't breathe without the girl.
Anyways, I'm hoping for an improvement soon. Maybe decreasing the Abilify again will make things a little better for her. We're super anxious about finding out if she's going to college this month (SCAD, by the way. My baby's brilliant). She said if she doesn't go, she'll come visit me! :D I am happy with either one because both are beneficial to her well-being. Though, I admit, I'm a titch selfish and want her to come up here, but I really won't complain if she can't. Education should be the main priority for both of us. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.
I think it's time I say something. First off, my name is Rae. Eden is my wonderful, amazing girlfriend whom I love very much. And yes...she has BPD. It causes a lot of things to happen inside her head that I don't fully understand all the time and I can be insensitive and uncooperative when she needs me to be the exact opposite. Especially lately. We're quite a pair...she has BPD and I have DID, both severe personality disorders. But somehow we manage to make things work wonderfully. Usually.
Over the 7 months that I have known her, Eden has never had a very stable sense of self or demeanor. She fluctuates constantly between emotions and takes on life and she's dependent on her parents and me. I don't see it as a huge problem because she's just now learning how to be her own independent person, but she's right...it's not the healthiest thing for her. She tells me a lot that she's afraid of rejection and abandonment, especially from me. Some people would call it controlling, but I don't see it that way. I see it as her opening up to me and trying to help me understand a little of what's going on in that head of hers; especially since I would never do either of those things to her.
Sometimes she snaps at me, sometimes I'm a "mean horrible person". Sometimes we simply misunderstand each other and fight for like 20 minutes. But don't get me wrong. It's not like that all the time. In fact, most of the time, she is an extremely loving, sweet, and giving girlfriend. I honestly couldn't ask for a better match. I'm just as dynamic in my thinking patterns as she is and we really make an amazing team when we put our heads together.
I admit that I can be careless and sometimes downright insulting without knowing that I'm hurting her feelings or making her angry or upset. Most of the time she tells me and I apologize profusely, but I know that if I were anyone else, she wouldn't hear it. Lucky me. c: (Not sarcasm.)
I can see that she has trouble on a day to day basis and it frightens me sometimes because she says it's getting worse and I can't help her. I'm not around enough to give her the emotional support she needs (I live in Va, she's roughly 11 hours out of my reach). I don't know how to offer advice when nothing comes out right and all I really know to do is listen and try to help her understand what's happening, even when I'm not sure what it is either. It's always stop and go, push and pull, leave - no wait. I admit it's hard on me sometimes, but I would never give up on her. I believe that she can get better; just have to find what works, first. I have faith in her and I know she's a strong enough woman to overcome this outstanding obstacle. I believe in her.
-Rae
Over the 7 months that I have known her, Eden has never had a very stable sense of self or demeanor. She fluctuates constantly between emotions and takes on life and she's dependent on her parents and me. I don't see it as a huge problem because she's just now learning how to be her own independent person, but she's right...it's not the healthiest thing for her. She tells me a lot that she's afraid of rejection and abandonment, especially from me. Some people would call it controlling, but I don't see it that way. I see it as her opening up to me and trying to help me understand a little of what's going on in that head of hers; especially since I would never do either of those things to her.
Sometimes she snaps at me, sometimes I'm a "mean horrible person". Sometimes we simply misunderstand each other and fight for like 20 minutes. But don't get me wrong. It's not like that all the time. In fact, most of the time, she is an extremely loving, sweet, and giving girlfriend. I honestly couldn't ask for a better match. I'm just as dynamic in my thinking patterns as she is and we really make an amazing team when we put our heads together.
I admit that I can be careless and sometimes downright insulting without knowing that I'm hurting her feelings or making her angry or upset. Most of the time she tells me and I apologize profusely, but I know that if I were anyone else, she wouldn't hear it. Lucky me. c: (Not sarcasm.)
I can see that she has trouble on a day to day basis and it frightens me sometimes because she says it's getting worse and I can't help her. I'm not around enough to give her the emotional support she needs (I live in Va, she's roughly 11 hours out of my reach). I don't know how to offer advice when nothing comes out right and all I really know to do is listen and try to help her understand what's happening, even when I'm not sure what it is either. It's always stop and go, push and pull, leave - no wait. I admit it's hard on me sometimes, but I would never give up on her. I believe that she can get better; just have to find what works, first. I have faith in her and I know she's a strong enough woman to overcome this outstanding obstacle. I believe in her.
-Rae
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